Zen Master Slacker Mommy's Guide to Letting Things Ride

'Mom Killed the Family Pet' Shrine COPYRIGHT ALL RIGHTS RESERVED Margot Potter
(Featuring a fabulous Crafty Chica shrine and Traci Bautista's Collage Pauge Sparkles!)Link

I feel more than a little bit like the White Rabbit today. Alas I must away...I won't be posting again until Friday. I think you can live without Madge for a day. Yes?

I wrote this post several years ago for The Impatient Blogger. It's one of my favorites. Enjoy!

The Spin Cycle or The Zen Master Slacker Mommy’s Guide to Letting Things Ride


*Dust bunnies are pets. Give them names. Feed them the balls of fluff from your sweaters. Take them on walks around the house.

*Cobwebs are decorations. This works best around Halloween. For the rest of the year, you are cultivating next year’s decor.

*Breakfast...it’s what’s for dinner. It’s also what’s for breakfast. You got a problem with that?

*Call bathtub rings and sink stains 'altered art.' Explain that they give the porcelain depth and personality.

*Brown is the new black. Sheesh, everybody knows that.

*Practice your best Scarlett O'Hara voice while saying "Fiddle dee dee." and "There's always tomorrow, and Tara." This works better if you make a dress out of the living room curtains, which is WAY more fun than cleaning.

*Dirt, dust, pet hair, small bits of paper, indistinguishable tiny objects on the floors make great material for mixed media artworks! Arrange them in patterns. Glue them to old decaying wooden boards. Sell them in your Etsy shop. Give the pieces mysterious names like...If These Floors Could Talk or Revenge of the Dust Mites.

*Follow all declarations of ‘I’m Bored’ with the ceremonial passing of the Swiffer. Make it into a game. Whoever gets the biggest pile of crap on their Swiffer pad gets to take out the garbage and do the dishes! YAY!

*Junk Mail collages! When the Swiffer Races end, break out the Elmer’s glue, the scissors, the inks and the poster board. Hey kids! Let’s turn this junk mail into art! Woo hoo. Sell it in your Etsy Shop. Call it assemblage. Label it ‘primitive’ and ‘childlike.’

*Stop mowing the lawn. Scatter wild flower seeds and watch them grow. Ignore the neighborhood association Nazis, because you’re an artist. Fill your yard with giant gnomes, plastic pink flamingoes, gazing balls, rusty wagons, flexible flyers...simply empty the contents of your basement on to your lawn. This saves you from having the ubiquitous and futile yard sale. Add some small walking stones. Call it an English Garden. Sit in the center in a gazebo wearing a large Victorian hat and have high tea every afternoon. Charge admission on the weekends.

*Buy blinders. Decorate them with sparkles. Put them on. Smile while you pour yourself a large glass of chardonnay and concentrate on the important things in life.

8 comments:

Sharon said...

Love this so much I had to post a link on my blog. Hope you don't mind!

Terry Ricioli said...

I'm putting this on my refrigerator!

TesoriTrovati said...

This is even better the second time. I love these words of wisdom. I think that they should be shared again and again!
You make me smile ;-)
Enjoy the day!
Erin

Barbe Saint John/ Saints and Sinners® said...

love it! I need this on a sampler and hang it above my desk!

Margot Potter said...

Thanks, gals! Sometimes ya just gotta laugh because it's much more fun than crying!

Cheers,
Madge

Eileen Bergen said...

Very funny.

Putting on the right spin always helps put things in proper perspective.

I love the wisdom in your final line.

Purple Cow said...

I came from Sharon's blog.
This is hilarious! Next time my kids ask for pets I'm gonna tell them to be grateful they have dust bunnies!

Tammy said...

I have so many dust bunny pets!